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3rd February, 2021

I like to think most people have had some sort of printer-induced meltdown. I came close to it today.

And because of that, I tried to remind myself today that the little victories, the baby steps, and every other minuscule analogy of progress matters. Besides a few other logistical matters, my main aim for today was to print my entire fellowship proposal, turn the computer off, and just READ.

Avoiding the temptation to throw my printer out the window in the room I’m currently calling my home office was today’s small victory. Having my entire proposal printed (one last time) in the flesh is what I wanted, and that’s eventually what I got.

That aside, I found myself starting to get excited about rebuilding my research team. I’ll soon be hiring a PhD student, a software engineer, and two post docs. It’s going to be the first time I’ve had the opportunity to hire at that comparatively senior level. As such, it’s the first time I’ll really have encountered the distinct possibility of hiring someone older, more worldly, more widely published than I am. It’s so very easy to fall into the trap of focusing on those points as they might appear on paper. I dare say I’ve turned a corner in recent years to keep my tendency to compare myself to others under some sort of control.

In a nutshell, it’s imposter syndrome (or, as I’m trying to course correct in my side project, Imposter Phenomenon). I know the imposter experiences will never fully go away. Yes, I’ve done a lot over the past 5 years to research, manage, write, and even teach on the topic, but I know that plenty of academic professional experiences are going to come along, any one of which could trigger the return of that old friend, my inner Fraud.

More on all of that another time. More on the science of my fellowship another day, too. For now, it’s time for some offline reading and reflection on my fellowship.

And now the printer has jammed. £#$%!!!

Where are the little victories for you?

See you tomorrow.

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